Couple of months ago, the
department of English where I teach held a poetry reading session; actually it
was wholly arranged by a senior student who claims to be a poet. He invited to
it some poets whom, he said, are considered "schools" in today's poetry
in Iraq! I attended it thinking that finally I may encounter something that
trigger my interest and guide me out of my ignorance in Arabic poetry of
nowadays! The reading session was horrible experience for me; what I listened
to then was nothing like poetry, but cheap erotic verse meant for flirtations
with audience who was mostly females!!! I rushed out after half an hour because
I felt insulted and lost hope in finding something of interest in this aspect
of my culture.
The whole identity issue
requires a sense of the identification with one's culture: to relate to the
language spoken by people, music, lyrics and other cultural aspects. When
my foreign friends ask me about these aspects in my Iraqi cultural I feel
embarrassed for the fact that I'm ignorant in most of these. I did listened to
couple of Iraq songs of the late 1970s and 80s, but it was accidental
experience rather than being heartily interested in.
One of the things that
make me feel detached from the culture of my country is the use of language. In
Iraq people speak Iraqi dialect, one of many versions of Arabic language. No
need to talk here about the history of this dialect, but all I can say it is
one of the many variations that Arab countries use. Now my relationship to this
dialect is limited to the everyday use of it as means of communicating with
others, rather than as a means of expression. Before I join the department of
English, and take English as a major study, I used to write my diaries and
thoughts in standard Arabic, rather than dialect Iraqi. Of course most of the
Arabs, Iraqis included do that, as the use of dialects is mostly oral rather
than written. However, once I gained confidence in using English, it became my
means of expression, and using it as such felt like finding a lost ring in the
chain of my being.
For almost 15 years now,
English is the language I use in my personal and private writings (standard
Arabic is used occasionally when I do some translation tasks, but not for
personal writings). This creates a breach between me and Arabic (of course
thanks to Quran that I still know how to read it correctly, and how to write it
without spelling mistakes!!).
It becomes also
embarrassing when people ask me about the poetry written by Iraqi people when
they come to know that I'm university instructor of English poetry. They think
I would have developed an interest in comparative studies between Arabic and
English poetry, which, to be honest here, I should have done, since I speak
both languages and this gives better access for both fields as well as being
majored in literature!! Unfortunately, my information about Arabic poetry
doesn't exceed what I have already learned in school, and if it wouldn't for my
good memory, all would have been lost by now!
I can talk for hours about
the prosody of English poetry, I can actually edit poems in English to fix
their rhythm and rhyme, but all I can do with Arabic poetry is to read it and
enjoy it if there is something I can relate to.
After being asked several
times about the poetry written by my people, the Iraqis, I thought of searching
for more information, thinking that maybe there will be something of interest
which take me closer to this aspect of my culture. I couldn't! and didn't even
find anything that gives the urge to search more.
However, not to sound too
grim, sometimes I still manage to find courage and check few websites here and
there; I try to create hope in the possibility of finding something good and
worth reading that can take me back to the culture I belong to.
