Who am I? a question that
most of us try to answer yet after playing with several possibilities, no
definite answer is given to a question sounds so simple, but quite complicated.
Maybe, a look at the national id card can give part of the answer: here it says
that am Iraqi female, born in 1978, brunette with no distinct marks. So what
does that mean?
According to the
information given there, I'm a female living in a country that is well-known
for all the wars it has lived during the last decades. Being born in 1978,
means that my childhood was spent with the 8 years' war with Iran, and
adolescent years during the 1990s when my country has to face the calamities of
the embargo, and my twenties spent with the consequences of 2003 war. Now what
does that make me? Yes, I belong to very unlucky generation in the Iraqi
society, whose best years have been always clouded with political and social
problems. These years left us confused and lost over our own identity and our
own sense of belonging to a country that has been always represented by blood-thirsty
vampires. Today, being "Iraqi" doesn't give so much pride, nor
excite much of patriotic feelings, if they really exist!
Being a female is beyond
analysis. It makes me vulnerable in a world that asks me to be at my ultimate
strength. The harsh world we live, the hard times I have witnessed ask me to be
strong, and face the world with masculine boldness, and never let my feminine
weakness take control of my reactions.
I have degrees (PhD) in a
major that I really love and totally enjoy, which makes me somehow lucky. I
work with my major, a university instructor of English literature, so I'm paid
to do something i really like, or such it sounds, so am really lucky with that.
Then what is the problem
here, one may ask? Why one feels dissatisfied, not complete, and lost! Is it
middle-age crisis, considering the fact that in Iraq women in their thirties
equal the forties for women in Europe of USA? Maybe!! But if that is the case,
then the problem is easy, and it will pass away in a while, once I get used to
it!!!
However, even this
explanation doesn't not satisfy my inquiring mind!!!!
So, I will keep asking,
and I keep inquiring about my restlessness, and my confusion. Probably, one
day, while I'm scratching this screen with nonsense, the right answer hits the
mind!
Congratulations and I wish you success
ReplyDeleteBest wishes
I luv your style of writing and I am so glad you are writing this blog. Well for a start, u are finding an outlet for your restlessness. And very soon, you will realise it is also your strength. I started on this very same journey a year ago, and I have found answers that have not only satisfied me to some extent but has also pushed me onto broader horizons. You are on the right track dear, happy trekking :)
ReplyDeletethanks dear friend Suj, yes this is why i started blogging, i want to re-discover that power inside, the power which has been buried far underneath because of all life troubles. For sometime, i felt exhausted and drained of all energy, now am getting back bit by bit!
ReplyDeleteDear Nadia, your scrathing is not personal! It is common for every female who thinks of what is the better to do and loves to do the better!
ReplyDelete