Life
is hard, and the journey is exhausting; sometimes one wants to scream at the
top of my voice. Lately, it doesn't take much to see me collapsing,
drowned in tears, praying for an end of unknown pain. The least inconvenience
puts dark clouds over my head, burdening me with a desire to run away from
life. However, somehow the urge of life proves stronger in me than I ever
thought it to be.
I
may have failed life, and proved myself an eccentric alien to this game called
living, but sometimes a beam penetrates the clouds, breaking, even if weakly,
the gray color with some feeble gold. Such beams always come from my career.
I've
been lately engaged in several activities in my work, coordinating some
literary sessions between our students and some lecturers in the US embassy.
Such activities have been found useful and quite motivating for the students,
and given the opportunity to show foreigners the achievements of the students
in English language and literature.
All
the events I have co-planned and organized gave me joy, but above all restored
my self-confidence, after being in crisis for quite a long time. When I started
teaching nine years ago, I didn't know how to do it: how to establish channels
of communication between me and the people sitting in front of me in class.
Sometimes I failed in gaining their very attention to the topic under
discussion, sometimes I failed in convincing them to get involve in discussion.
I had never fancied myself a teacher, and when I started this job, I knew that
I was not made for it!
However,
as they say practice makes perfect. Every year taught me something, giving me
new skills, till it came a time when I got into class knowing exactly what to
do and how to draw my students ' attention to what I was saying. Such
achievements, little sometimes seemed to me, but made me more comfortable in my
workplace, even with the annoyance and nagging of my ex-boss.
With
the new boss' encouragement and the space he gave me to act, I managed to cross
many limits, establishing new mode and tone for the department. All the
activities I have participated in organizing made me feel good about myself,
forget, even if temporary, the harshness of the life am living, and the many
life disappointments that I suffer every day.
When
the literary sessions started and I saw how my students were taking a look at
me every now and then when I started to participate, I realized my influence on
them, and that I did made something different for these young men. Such joy,
such renew self-confidence, all help me to go through difficulties, and bestow
on my face a smile has been missing for a long time.
Nadia F.Mohammed
