Who am I? a question that most of us try to answer yet after playing with several possibilities, no definite answer is given to a question sounds so simple, but quite complicated. Maybe, a look at the national id card can give part of the answer: here it says that am Iraqi female, born in 1978, brunette with no distinct marks. So what does that mean?
According to the information given there, I'm a female living in a country that is well-known for all the wars it has lived during the last decades. Being born in 1978, means that my childhood was spent with the 8 years' war with Iran, and adolescent years during the 1990s when my country has to face the calamities of the embargo, and my twenties spent with the consequences of 2003 war. Now what does that make me? Yes, I belong to very unlucky generation in the Iraqi society, whose best years have been always clouded with political and social problems. These years left us confused and lost over our own identity and our own sense of belonging to a country that has been always represented by blood-thirsty vampires. Today, being "Iraqi" doesn't give so much pride, nor excite much of patriotic feelings, if they really exist!
Being a female is beyond analysis. It makes me vulnerable in a world that asks me to be at my ultimate strength. The harsh world we live, the hard times I have witnessed ask me to be strong, and face the world with masculine boldness, and never let my feminine weakness take control of my reactions.
I have degrees (PhD) in a major that I really love and totally enjoy, which makes me somehow lucky. I work with my major, a university instructor of English literature, so I'm paid to do something i really like, or such it sounds, so am really lucky with that.
Then what is the problem here, one may ask? Why one feels dissatisfied, not complete, and lost! Is it middle-age crisis, considering the fact that in Iraq women in their thirties equal the forties for women in Europe of USA? Maybe!! But if that is the case, then the problem is easy, and it will pass away in a while, once I get used to it!!!
However, even this explanation doesn't not satisfy my inquiring mind!!!!
So, I will keep asking, and I keep inquiring about my restlessness, and my confusion. Probably, one day, while I'm scratching this screen with nonsense, the right answer hits the mind!