I was thinking of the coming refugee week and somehow did not feel good about it. I was asked to deliver a Skype session to secondary school about Arabic language and culture. I felt excited about it because speaking about language and culture is one of the favourite things I like to do. When I learned that the session would be held during Refugee Week, I felt disappointed and angry. Why they connect refugees with learning Arabic or the Middle East? There are tens of refugee communities from all parts of the world who have settled in the UK during various times. Refugees are not just Arabs and they are not women only.
Too much attention has the same negative impact as lack of attention. So I decided to apologise for this session. When I first moved in here, I was happy with that attention given to me as Iraqi but when the same questions of how I managed to become me had been repeated by different people, I started to hear the questions which those people thought of but did not dare to ask. If these questions slipped off their tongues, they would try to hide their patronising meaning with more complements of how special I was.
Too much attention has the same negative impact as lack of attention when one knows they do not deserve it.
As I sitting in the train contemplating the moving images outside of trees, I tried to process my anger, my frustration and deep pain. I held my phone, my favourite writing device these days, and started writing whatever came to my mind. This is it.
When you watch a circus monkey does smart stuff, you look at with so much admiration and give it the biggest applause you can. But in fact at the back of your mind you are thinking "how monkeys are doing that? They are animals and they are not supposed to be able to do that" and you continue clapping. Monkeys may fail to see what is hidden behind your clapping but people do.
Think of how refugees from what you know now as the Middle East have been put on display in all those events meant to "celebrate" refugees or make them feel "welcomed". Think that most of the attendants clapping their hands as one particular refugee speaks of her struggles, how she finally ended here and how she is restarting her life. You clap harder but at the back of your head you are thinking "how did she made it. She is not supposed to". You may mean well with your judgement and do not mean to harbour patronising thoughts.
That refugee with a shy smile, the first welcoming clap was a tone of joy. Then she starts talking, struggling for words to express the rushing thoughts in her mind. She wants to give you the best show, worthy of the time, effort and probably money, you have spent to be there. She needs to play some smart tricks that makes you wonder "how can she do that?!" While approaching yourself for thinking "she is not supposed to be able".
She thinks she needs to be articulate, able to make sense of the very nonsense in her life, the unfairness of accidents in hers and her people's lives. She did not choose to be born in that jungle. She might have chosen to leave and restart somewhere else. The accidents of her existence in that place at that particular time allowed her one way out. It has its price. The smart tricks she needs to play to be welcomed and accepted. Otherwise she would be "wooed off the stage". Who wants to watch a dumb boring performer who can't master one trick! So she needs to do her smart trick of eloquence and articulation. The rest of us unable to master the same trick should be shipped back to the jungle they came from and allowed back here when they have something entertaining to say or do.
Think of how refugees from what you know now as the Middle East have been put on display in all those events meant to "celebrate" refugees or make them feel "welcomed". Think that most of the attendants clapping their hands as one particular refugee speaks of her struggles, how she finally ended here and how she is restarting her life. You clap harder but at the back of your head you are thinking "how did she made it. She is not supposed to". You may mean well with your judgement and do not mean to harbour patronising thoughts.
That refugee with a shy smile, the first welcoming clap was a tone of joy. Then she starts talking, struggling for words to express the rushing thoughts in her mind. She wants to give you the best show, worthy of the time, effort and probably money, you have spent to be there. She needs to play some smart tricks that makes you wonder "how can she do that?!" While approaching yourself for thinking "she is not supposed to be able".
She thinks she needs to be articulate, able to make sense of the very nonsense in her life, the unfairness of accidents in hers and her people's lives. She did not choose to be born in that jungle. She might have chosen to leave and restart somewhere else. The accidents of her existence in that place at that particular time allowed her one way out. It has its price. The smart tricks she needs to play to be welcomed and accepted. Otherwise she would be "wooed off the stage". Who wants to watch a dumb boring performer who can't master one trick! So she needs to do her smart trick of eloquence and articulation. The rest of us unable to master the same trick should be shipped back to the jungle they came from and allowed back here when they have something entertaining to say or do.
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