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Friday, April 27, 2012

I Stood for Myself

I was so eager to start new, to have my life renewed with different dream, different world and refreshed energy. I tried to grasp hard the new enterprise and hold tight into its expectations. I took steps that I didn't take before, and made it official that I needed the new world.

Happiness, however, never came perfect for me; there was always something to deform the perfect image I draw for it. The new dream appeared to me just like the old one, it asked from me what I gave the old and still offered me the same uncertainty I had lived before. It was too much for my heart to handle, and seemed to me another pitfall trying to trap me to sink in its darkness. I was about to fall, but all of sudden I had back my faith and stood for myself and decided to go back few steps and revaluate my journey. Yes, I was so eager to go ahead, to start new, and have a dream to live for, to have the life I always wanted, but my new enterprises was no different, it wanted to take from me now with a promise of some uncertain gains tomorrow.

Anyone would have got into that new venture and try, thinking that was better than waiting for something certain to come along, but I couldn't do that, I couldn't get into the same adventure all over again, because simply I have no energy for that! I can't do it again, for I would be lying to myself about. My first project was my everything, and for me to start a new one it has to be different. What I couldn't get in the past is the sense of security and assurance that this project will happen, or is happening and that is the only thing I will go for now: a project that work and is achieved. No more dreams or plans that feed me uncertainty and fear; no more castles in the air that break my heart to watch them disappear. 

Nadia F. Mohammed


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